true life: I'm addicted to owning things and approval

Okay, I'm totally not one of those missionaries who goes to another country and then returns to America only to rant and rave about all the wrong ways that Americans live.

However, since being back in America, I've noticed some very deep sin in my life that results from 1. adam and eve eating that dang fruit and 2. being born and bred in America.

I miss the way that things don't matter in Fiji. For example, it doesn't matter what you wear. The kind of car you drive doesn't matter (because hardly anyone has a car anyway), and the kind of job you have is totally negligible. I think, after living in Fiji for a year, I supernaturally began to adopt this mentality.

I discovered that because, now, after living back in America for two months, I find desires that creep into my heart that seem completely quenchable but in reality are totally, absolutely, exclusively insatiable. Desires that mask themselves as needs. For example, I think I need a new car. Apparently post-graduation is the time to buy a new car, because all my friends have new cars. I can't really talk on the phone when I'm driving because my car is so loud that it's hard to hear the person on the other end. I think that's really funny. But let's be honest: I have a car that gets me to places (well, mostly). I think for now I'll keep my ford focus.

I just started working at a coffee shop. When people ask me about my job situation, I tell them that I work at a coffee shop right now, but that it's a temporary thing until I can find a real job. Because I am a college graduate with a bachelor's degree. And it is ludicrous to think that I would work at a coffee shop making minimum wage. And I care about what people think about me.

Well, maybe I will work at a coffee shop forever. I don't know.
p.s. I'm also living with my parents.

I miss being in Fiji where it doesn't matter. Here's something that made my mind spin: Fijian girls don't struggle with body image issues. Okay, that's a huge generalization and not true for every single girl. But it's not an issue there. Weird, huh? There aren't socioeconomic strata that guide friend groups. Super weird. I miss not caring about my car, job, weight, bank account balance, relationship status. Because in light of eternity and the purpose of my life, they just don't matter. And I wish I could remember this more often.

Then I considered all that my hands had done and the toil I had expended in doing it, and behold, all was vanity and a striving after wind, and there was nothing to be gained under the sun.